You haven’t slept or showered in days, you’re ruminating about whether baby has gotten enough to eat, have they been sleeping too long? Are they still breathing? SH*T did anyone feed the dog yesterday? The mail is piling up and I need to call the insurance company, but I can’t even form a full sentence right now.
All these things and SO MANY MORE are going through a new mom’s brain on repeat, but they are expected to be joyous, dressed, contoured and IG ready, preferably in carefully curated matching or complimenting outfits.
Moms feel like they “aren’t allowed” to say:
- I need a time-out.
- I’m having trouble bonding/connecting with my baby.
- What the f*ck is going on down there?!
Simultaneously Moms are facing conscious and unconscious pressures:
- Bounce-back culture
- Healing & developmental milestones
- Managing visitors
So, when your mother in law calls you tell her “Yes, we’re great, of course you can stop over!”. Then you proceed to tornado through the house, so it appears that you in fact have your sh*t together.
^^ This is what I call the mommy censor. We are drowning (in laundry, diapers, spit up) and we need help, but we don’t want to let anyone know that; we keep it all to ourselves.
These expectations are pure lunacy and are so unrealistic. We have to stop censoring ourselves out of fear that someone will shame us for not having it all together. It’s okay to not be okay! It’s okay to ask for help and most importantly, always remember ‘NO’ is a full sentence.