The dreaded “D” word…..no not that one. I’m talking DAYCARE. *GASPS IN MOM*
Today was the big day. After 20 months of working from home while simultaneously acting as a stay at home mom, we took our little one to daycare.
For those of you who know me, you know this isn’t my first rodeo – for those who might not know – I also have a 16 year old (odd, I know, but here we are!).
Despite having lived through this before, that did not make this morning’s drop off any easier. I cried. And cried. And cried.
It wasn’t until I got photographic proof and some reassurance that I was able to keep the tears from flowing. I’m not even a big “cry-er” (unless it’s one of those animal commercials with a heart-wrenching song playing in the background – those should be illegal), but this….this is hitting me in all the feels.
16 years ago I didn’t even have a choice. There was no option to stay home and not work and there definitely was no opportunity to work from home. In a sense, I think that made it just a little bit “easier”. It was something that had to be done. I cried, it was hard, but I did it and I didn’t think twice about it. I was very young and blissfully ignorant too.
This go-around as a more seasoned and educated mom I felt well-equipped to juggle it ALL. Work from home, care for baby, take care of the house, schedule play-dates – you name it. And I did, rather successfully for quite some time. Until I didn’t.
Our toddler has learned how to scale almost every surface of the house. I’m convinced I’m going to walk into a room one day only to find her on top of one of the 12 foot high beams or jumping from the island to the main countertop. She is so curious and full of energy, as she should be.
I found myself in a state of chaos. Taking calls, doing work, redirecting, reading some books, taking a call, cleaning up, making food, playing with toys, making some food, cleaning up (1/2 way), taking calls, working, making more food, cleaning up (1/4 of the way)…..shew nap time!
Work, work, work, clean (kind of), work…..baby is awake! and repeat.
I knew deep down, months ago, that we were headed down a road that I didn’t want to consider. I wanted to soak up all my time with her and of course didn’t want to consider the added expense. It seems so contradictory to work from home and not have my child here with me.
Add to that, I’m no longer the blissfully ignorant teen mom I once was. Attachment theory is basically my personal Bible and the art and science of healthy human development is at the forefront of my mind every single day.
Logic was telling me that it was time to branch out for not just me, but also for my busy, curious, growing toddler. Guilt was telling me all the dark twisty horrible things. I allowed myself to struggle for longer than I should have, but with the help of a very wise social worker, we took the leap.
For all the parents out there who are feeling the pressure of all the weight being on your shoulders and all the scary thoughts that come up when considering childcare, I wanted to share this story.
We found a provider who we absolutely love and trust, close to home. It’s about finding the right balance that works for you and your family.
Today was hard, tomorrow probably will be too, but it was a milestone for us.
Onward!